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  • Hamburger Blog: Mediocre II

    This burger almost made the cut to the top three, but alas, it couldn’t compete with the upper ranks:

    That’s a “Double Del”, from Del Taco. Yes, for those of you not in the know, Del Taco serves both American and Mexican fast food, so I decided to include them in the good ol’ survey of burgers. Now what keeps this burger out of the top tier? Is it the bun? Nope, soft and squishy, just like a good bun. Cold? Nope, temperature was at optimum Burger-Consumption levels. Toppings? Let’s see:

    Three tomatoes? Shredded green lettuce? Melted cheese slices (plural?!)? What’s not to like?! Why isn’t this one of the kings of burgers?!

    Size. The camera decieves. This is the size, roughly, of a “Big Mac”. The top 3 either have same taste, and are bigger; better taste and the same size; or both. It’s just bad luck. You could definatly do worse than the Double Del, and if you’re a smallish eater and want to look like a big man, a Double Del will not fail to impress. It’s only medocre in our “top 3″ world, if I ever return to the burger-eating masses I shall not spurn the Double Del goodness. So if you drop in for a taco, beware of a BurgerAttack!

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    Xanga, I hate your “new private homepage” as it doesn’t focus on the most important part of signing in to blog: MY BLOG. I like my friends, but I usually sign on to BLOG FIRST and respond TO QUESTIONS LATER! So stop asking me every month “to check it out!” I have. It sucks. MOVE ON.

  • Music Commentary 10 – Photographs and Memories


    This is one of those songs I really don’t have much to say about, as the song really says it all. It’s one of the best melancholy, nostalgia, lost-love songs ever. Bittersweet, like a good cup of coffee. A simple melody played with the soft touch of a master. A testament to our loss with his early demise. Thanks for what you left behind, Jim.

  • Hamburger Blog – Mediocre Burgers I

    The low end of this list is the humble Jumbo Jack:

    Now this burger isn’t really all that great, little lettuce, a single tomato, and vast quantities of whatever sauce you deem fit. (I asked for one with Frank’s Red Hot on it, and they did deliver.) It’s a crappy little fast food burger.

    This burger only has a single redeeming quality: It’s dirt cheap. $1.29 gets you 1/4 pound of cheap-ass beef, but that’s far better than any other chain is doing. Yes, they’ve paired back the toppings to the point where any more loss and they’d be non existant (Carl’s Jr. has done just this with the “big hamburger”) but when you need to eat cheap, at least you have a place to stop. The damn thing at least is usually grilled fresh due to Jack’s policies, so the bun is never hard, and the beef is usually hot. You get what you pay for, and that makes it better than the turkeys I posted last week.

  • Nine Eleven

    This is a departure from my usual lighthearted and under read fare, but I think it needs to be said. As the day has approached, there have been tributes and incantations and commentary on this day and its meaning, but looking back to 2001, what have we really learned? Did we take the lesson to heart or did we just react instinctivly and fled down a blind alley?

    I watched Keith Olberman’s commentary the other night, and while he had brough up some points that need to be addressed, he was just as bad as those on the right in areas of his speech. Yes, the attacks happened on Bush’s watch, but the plan apparently was years in the making, with key parts of it taking place on American soil. There is more than enough blame to stain Clinton’s gutting of the CIA as well as GW’s complete lack of inital effort on national security.

    I am constantly offended that this is such a political issue. Niether side wants the nation to be any less than safe, but neither side will admit to the one fundamental truth: it starts out there, not here. I honestly believe that the TSA has been responsible for stopping zero actual threats to the airline system. What we’ve done is basically allowed the airlines to prevent you from carrying anything on board that might be able to be sold to you at your destination. Random checks and searches are unwarranted, allowed simply to avoid the specter of “racial profiling”. If we’re concentrating on stopping the terrorist at the checkout gate, we’re too late. And demonstrations have shown that the TSA’s efforts have been largely as effective as the damage control teams aboard the RMS Titanic.

    I am offended that we are geared to live in a state of fear. Being old enough to remember it, I’d had that with the Cold War. The nineties were nice because we, frankly, weren’t 30 minutes from being a smoking cinder. But as horrible as the attacks were, I don’t believe we need to live in the same fear today. We have the means to protect ourselves. Al Quaeda or whatever does not have the capability to eliminate every city in America in half an hour, yet we’re still being geared to see “death at any time”. A well-motivated person can accomplish the suicide mission of killing people, only our over-reactive response can kill our ideals.

    I am offended by the war in Iraq. I understand rolling into Afghanistan, that’s where all signs pointed to the origin of the plans. I raised a glass to the occupation of Kandahar. But when I heard about the move to get Saddam Hussein I was confused. We already had our bite at this apple, back in ’91, and we had our chain jerked by Saudi Arabia. I resent that. Either he’s a threat or not, and they made it clear that once he was out of Kuwait, he’s not a threat. Fine, let them deal with him. Then came the “WMDs”. I found it hard to believe that a country like Iraq, under constant aerial surveiliance, under one of the tightest blockades ever, could hide the construction of these weapons for ten years. TEN. YEARS. We were sold the line that Clinton didn’t care, but frankly, Bill was on the trigger quite a bit, more than one would expect from the man who cut the DoD by 20%. This smelled like crap, and it was no suprise to me that it was crap.

    I am offended by the complete derailing of domestic policy. Our national debt is insane. Our balance of trade is in the toilet. Our wealth gap is increasing. We cannot control immigration into this country. Our educational system is being given short shrift. Our land of laws is increasingly becoming a land of apathy. Americans no longer by U.S. products, even when they are just as good as foriegn products, and CEOs of these corperations are no longer interested in maintaining jobs here in America. What good is it to cut $5 million in payroll Mr. Head-of-GM, when you turn around and give yourself a $15 million bonus? All those jobs could have been saved for three years at that rate, even if they stood around and did nothing. But the unions have to be held accountable too for the looting of corperate America, holding on to outrageous demands that have allowed documented cases of completly incompetant or indifferent people being kept in positions simply due to the fact they are Union (and give generously). If you’ve got a union job, you should still do it to the best of your ability, and the company should be able to get rid of you if you do nothing but suck up water from the cooler. Corperate America needs to start thinking about America, and thinking long term again. With our dollar disparity, if they don’t, how long will it be until there is the Toyota-owned GM? We’ve already lost control of all our beer.

    I am offended at the left, for their lack of change. For all his speeches, Obama is from Illinois, home of Machine Politics. When a program needs to end, end it. We have programs all over this country sucking up dollars because the politicians in charge of them use these programs as power. Find. Another. Program.

    I am offended at the way America handles “corperate welfare”. I agreed with the immediate bailout of the airline industry, they didn’t deserve what happened to them. But this latest sub-prime morgage fiasco? Rather than give billions to these companies who were trying to bilk the people out of their money, how about giving those billions to the people themselves? Yes, the story goes “then they won’t value their homes and they’ll think that next time they get into trouble the government will bail them out of their mortgage”. Oh, like the industry won’t? At least if you give the money to the borrowers, the companies still get the money and PEOPLE GET TO HAVE HOUSES. If you do it the other way, the companies get the money and people are on the street. After the bail outs of the 80′s and the “turnaround” of oil companies, we should insist that these companies are treated just like us: bailout money has to be repaid. Zero interest is fine, a long term is fine, but it’s no longer free money. ExxonMobil could have paid every last dime it was given by the Government in the 80s with the profit of 1 quarter in 2007, and still had enough to pick up ARCO’s (now lost to BP) tab.

    I am finally offended at the lack of civil discourse between the left and right. Snarky comments should be reserved for Jay Leno or David Letterman. The huge paintbrushes used to tar and smear “all Republicans” or “all Democrats” are inane. “McBush” and “Obama Bin Laden” comments are more than inaccurate, they are disrespectful. I am tired of watching editorial pages and seeing page after page of letters that are full of vile, vindictive crap. If you can’t respect the other side, even if you don’t respect their view, don’t even expect me to listen to you.

    In the wake of 9/11, one important issue was brought up that has needed to be addressed, and sadly it has been derailed in the name of the War on Terror: religious extremism. Religion can be a powerful force for good, and for culture and tradition. I hate athiests who broadly paint all those who believe as idiots, as I’ve known people who are brilliant who also find solace in the concept of divinity. It is extremism that is bad. Living here in Bakersfield, I am forced to watch as a reactionary “Christian” sect is bound and determined to try to theocratize my town, the city which raised Earl Warren. That’s right, EARL WARREN. Extremism in Christianity is just as bad as Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, or atheistic (you know, China’s little crusade against Falon Gong…) extremism. As long as the person next to you is being raised as an ETHICAL person, why should you care about his personal beliefs? As long as his spiritual advisor is not telling him to kill in the name of god… or kill in the name of NOT GOD… why shouldn’t you feel safe?

    These are my thoughts, seven years on. Just so you know, and you might disagree with me and I’m sorry, but due to the real problems that I’ve seen first hand here in Bakersfield due to a reactionary, extremist and THEOCRATIC Christian agenda (this is not all Christians, understand) I hearby endorse the Obama-Biden ticket. Even though I think Biden is a useless timeserver, and I’ve a little respect for McCain, frankly Sarah Palin scares the hell out of me. I’m not a big Heinlein fan, so I’ve no desire to experience Revolt in 2100…

    Hoping for some respectable and civil discourse,

    Douglas C. Glendower,
    32nd Lyran Guard.

  • Fast Food In Bakersfield III – Last of the Trash

    For our final don’t-eat-it-even-if-its-free burger comes the one everyone thought probably would win:

     Big Mac. Now I’m actually a fan of The Mac up here. Why? It’s Americana, we all know it, we all recognize it, it’s pretty much the same from New Yoak to El Ay. This scores some points for it that the others can’t match. That and the fact that the bun is not deformed in any way, shape, or form due in large part to the science crafted into each one.

    But in Bakersfield, Americana suffers a blow. There’s barely enough secret sauce here to slide this gutbomb down to your stomach, and this dry ass beef-analogue needs all the help it can get. There might be 3/4 of an ounce of lettuce on this thing, but it’s iffy. You buy Big Macs to be BIG, and since you know you’re getting two of their .1 pound patties, it’s not the meat that’s filling you up. In addition, and I just notice this… I’m shorted a cheese slice, or they’ve cut one off. Oh hell noes. It’s bad enough that the places charge you .40 for cheese when it’s .15 at the store for Kraft and they’re giving you Govt. Surplus Overstock Seconds (1985) cheese. Dude, these people wonder why I’m writing this blog and giving up the fast food… I’m just sick and tired of /FAIL/ *sigh*

  • Fast Food Two – Just out of the Cellar

    Now some of the pictures will be decieving, because there is a couple of things missing from a picture on the internet, namely taste, smell, and feel. That’s why there’s typing and text to read. Wee!

    Now for the second worst chain fast food burger in Bakersfield:

    What? The Whopper? What would the King think? Frankly, the King hasn’t been seen in Bakersfield and his employees here know it. They couldn’t do a more lousy job unless they worked at Sonic. Now let’s unwrap this bad boy and find out why:

    Well, at least it’s not smashed. That’s just how their buns look, the small indent is from my finger. There’s an interesting problem though in Bakersfield Whoppers: the opposite side from that spongy goodness around the indent? Hard as a rock. Eating through one of these suckers is an adventure from a Serta mattress to a Svengali Nail Board. On the top bun only. How?! But look, mustard! I can toss the 1/4 of the top bun and still eat this thing… except that this is from the worst BK in Bako. It was cold. Stone. Cold. Thank god for our microwave to refreshen it. But what about the toppings?

    Well, I’ll give them this: That’s fresh lettuce. They’ve disappointed before, but I can’t slam the slaw today. That’s actually pretty fresh and tasty (as much as iceberg can be) lettuce. It’s hard to see, but there are two tomatoes there, of at least non-disintegration thickness. Not much, but enough to put Sonic to shame. But this also looks like it was assembled by a blind monkey with ADD. 1/4 of the hamburger is untopped. 1/4 of the hamburger has 2/3 of all toppings. How hard is it to lay down the tomatoes one at a time and ensure a nice spread? And the Line Of Death Lettuce? Some assembly required, and therefore this burger might as well still be cooking.

    You can have your /FAIL/ your way at Burger King in Bakersfield.

  • A close look at fast food in Bakersfield.

    I decided to sample each burger from the chains here in Bakersfield to find out if fast food was worth it. It’s my duty to report that as of 12:50pm today I’m going back on the no-fast-food wagon, so this was a last hurrah and my last chance to pass on my Burger-tice to the community at large. We’re going to go up, from worst to first, and the order may shock you.

    Day 1 – The Worst Burger In Bakersfield – Sonic Drive Thru

    Ok, this isn’t looking so bad. It’s cool in a classy-retro way, but what the picture doesn’t show is the 30 minute wait to get one. It’s a SuperSonic burger, minus the pickles and onions… ’cause I hates them.

    Ugh. It’s been smashed. It was crammed into the same bag as my sideways sitting chili dog, which had more chili on the wrapper than on the dog, and apparently making my fluffy bun 1/4 its supposed size. It looks nothing like the pictures on the menus, of course, but maybe my “pita bread” bun will cover tasty goodness.

    Um, “Supersonic + mustard” means that if I open it up and see no yellow sauce, I am pissed. And all that white lettuce? It’s not lettuce leaf, it’s core. Hard as rocks. The tomatoes? I tried to move them apart for a second shot, and to spread them over the burger, but they were cut so thin they literally fell apart, practically disintegrating.

    So not only was the burger substandard, but the hotdog looked like it had been cooked for four days and the fries had been sitting there for about that long. I’ve no idea why this place stays in business. It was so bad that I’d already bashed it for all these reasons a year ago on Bakersfield.com, and only discovered that I had when I went to leave a (or another) review of how dismal this place is. 30 minutes in a drive thru, cold fries, burnt dog, and a burger this bad with a mistake on the order?

    Sonic must be Burgerese for /FAIL/

  • I remember being verbally abused for several hours when I commented on a chat room that, overall, I prefer the Monkees to the Beatles. I was trying to say that what songs I liked from the Beatles were far superior to the Monkees, but as a percentage, there were more Monkees songs I could listen to. I mean, the early Beatles stuff is the English version of bubblegum pop and frankly, it sounds like crap to me. This is the first song on their Red/Blue Apple compliations that I liked, the last track from disc 1. A move away from “Hard Day’s Night” sound, its stripped down sound and rather introspective lyrics really appealed to me. After the early stuff, they’d find a lot more success with me, with eight tracks from disc 2, seven from 3, and nine from 4. I didn’t like anything before Yesterday, but I liked a lot afterward.